Freedom and the Open Road

Monday I decided it was the perfect day to awaken my bike Comet from his long winter hibernation and expose him to the joys of spring. The months of our separation made me almost forget how much I love him. Something about the feeling of the wind in my face and my hair blowing behind me makes me forget about any problems I may have. A quick ride on Comet immediately makes the world a little brighter.

As I rode along the Provo River trail, I had some time to think. I tried to take everything in - the sound of the water, the view of the snow-capped mountains, the smell of the river, the couple sitting on a log by the river, engrossed in conversation, the teenager I passed on his skateboard...and suddenly, it hit me; Provo has really become home for me. I still love Riverton and will always claim it as my hometown, but in so many ways Provo has become my home away from home, and no longer just because it happens to be the city that BYU is located in. I have fallen in love with so many things about Provo: the nearby mountains, the families that I've gotten to know through my job, the frozen yogurt bars popping up on every corner, the signs advertising Bridal Fairs and diamond ring sales, the local businesses to help you stock up on food storage or put your 72 hour kit together, and the general sense of service and family values prevalent in the community.

I continued my ride along the route that Courtney and I took several times as kids (which by the way, not sure how I climbed that hill as a 10-year-old - I can barely do it as a 21-year-old) and I realized part of why I love Provo. In a sense, it represents my child-like innocence and hope. As a 10-year-old the world was at my fingertips. I could accomplish anything. As I ride the streets of Provo with Comet I am taken back to this part of my childhood, and I know, once again, that I can overcome any obstacle.

My view as I rode down the hill toward Riverwoods (shockingly enough no one was harmed in the taking of this picture):

Dear Grad Schools,

I've been thinking. We really should work things out between us. Maybe this month could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. One lasting approximately two years. I anxiously await your response.

Yours Truly,

Kristen

Continue in Patience

"Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue...Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace...Our Heavenly Father knows what good parents come to understand over time: if children are ever going to mature and reach their potential, they must learn to wait."

Lately I've felt like Heavenly Father is putting me through this purifying process he calls patience. There seems to be something He wants me to learn. I can't think of another time in my life that I've had to wait like I have the past two months. A month of waiting for responses from grad schools only to find that I had another month or two of waiting. I'm on the waiting list at all three of the grad schools I applied to.

At first I felt so confused. I have been working for this for the past three years. Everything has always felt so right. I know I have been far from perfect, but I've been trying the best I can. Why is everything going wrong for something that feels so right? Never before has President Uchtdorf's message seemed so applicable: "Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer....But eventually I learned that God’s promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come according to His timing and in His ways."

I don't know how all of this will work out. And to be honest, I'm scared out of my mind. I feel like I'm standing next to a door, trying to open it, but no matter what I do, I don't have the tools to get it open. On the other side is something great. I don't know what it is and I don't know when I'll be able to open that door. But I do know that the day will come. God has something great planned for me. And meanwhile I need to keep pushing forward, exercising my faith in Him, and as President Uchtdorf says, "working, hoping, and exercising faith."