Grateful

Yes, this is my very cliche, November, "I'm grateful for..." post.  And yes, I am re-posting the same video I posted last year.  Seriously though, I love this video!  I think that it is worth re-posting.  And I could use a reminder of everything that I have to be grateful for.  Here is my top ten "I'm grateful for..." list today (in no particular order):

1. UTA. I love being able to start and end my day by having time to myself.  And public transportation has become my favorite place to people watch; there are so many interesting people who ride the trax/bus!
2. Crunchy leaves.  Yup, I am one of those people who goes out of their way to step on a leaf that looks particularly crunchy.  I am still a four year old at heart.
3. Playdough.  Again, four year old at heart.  But this one has also gotten me through many classes in my college career.
4. Grad school.  Okay, this one is kind of broad.  And right now I need a reminder of this, but I love being in grad school!  I love learning everything I can about something; I love having way more reading assignments than I could possibly get through; I love sitting through three hour classes, trying to soak in everything that I can, realizing that there will always be things I don't know; I love assignments that make me think so hard that I want to scream and cry, then get really excited when I finally "get it."  I love the whole experience, although sometimes I have to remind myself of it.  It really is a unique time of my life, and I am trying to enjoy every step of the journey.
5. Falling asleep on the bus.  I don't know why it is, but the express buses have become my favorite place to nap in the afternoon/evenings.
6. Crunchy apples.  Over the past week I have eaten at least 10 apples, and every one brought me joy.  I love fall harvest time.
7. Hoodies.  I love wearing a big, warm, comfy hoodie on a cool day.  Especially when I am sick.
8. Mucinex.  That stuff is amazing.  Especially the liquid kind.
9. My job.  It is great always having an excuse for the bubbles, playdough, pretend food, and picture books in my back seat.
10. The Church's IT department.  Seriously, they are amazing.  I love having the entire standard works, church magazines, and basically every manual/book they have ever published with me all the time.

This

I listen to this song probably more than I should.  Easily three times a day.  I love it, for many reasons.  First, who doesn't love an attractive black man with a good voice?  I mean really, what's not to love?  Second, it encompasses my biggest goal: to be a wife and mother.  I like the idea that everything I am striving to become now is leading me toward that goal, no matter when it comes for me.  And third, it reflects an attitude that I am trying everyday to have: that today, right here, right now is amazing and that there are always things to be grateful for.  In the song, Darius relates every heartbreak, disappointment, and upset as something that led him to where he is now, with his wife and kids, but I think this attitude can be applied to any stage in life.  There will always be things we don't have that we would like - whether it be a spouse, children, a better job, more financial stability, a house, and the list goes on and on.  The point is that there are always things to be grateful for, things to find joy in everyday.

It is amazing what a great teacher hindsight can be sometimes.  Today I had a chance to reflect on where I was a year ago.  I knew exactly what I wanted: to go to grad school at BYU.  There really wasn't any other choice for me.  I think God probably got a good chuckle out of my plan. Even though I wanted that so badly, it didn't stop Him from taking my life in a different direction.  And I am so grateful for that.

As I was riding trax with some of my friends from school today, chatting and laughing with them, it suddenly hit me: if God had given me exactly what I wanted, I wouldn't be here right now.  I would not have met the girls I was talking and laughing with, I would not have met the client I have been getting to know at clinic, I would not be in the same classes or riding the same buses.  So many things would be different: from the stranger I talked to at the bus stop last week to the bus driver who had to turn around because I fell asleep on the back of the bus, to the sweet boy in my class who brought me a get well present when I was sick.  All of it would be different.  I firmly believe that everything in my life happens for a reason.  And today, right here, right now, despite all the unfulfilled hopes and dreams I have for the future, I am grateful for 'this.'

Grad School

Wow...so it has been a little while. At the time that I wrote my last post I had no idea where or if I would be going to grad school. I was still kind of secretely holding out hope that i would be accepted to BYU. The future seemed so uncertain. And though I may not have openly admitted it, I was scared. More so than I can ever remember, but part of that is likely my sketchy memory. I had overwhelming feelings of doubt and inadequacy that I generally tried to ignore. I felt as though everything that I had worked for in my undergrad was not good enough and at times I even started to question if I was good enough to make the dream that I had for the last three years come true. Then I took one of the biggest leaps of faith I can remember ever taking. Some people thought I was crazy, but looking back now I can see that it really was a turning point for me. My perspective started to change and I was suddenly much more open to following God's plan for my life instead of mine.

Well here I am, close to six months later. The future still seems so uncertain and I still get kind of scared every once in a while, but I have never felt more right about where I am and what I am doing with my life. I am a student at the University of Utah. I know, who would have thought, right? But honestly I couldn't be more excited about it. I already am so grateful for the friendships I am beginning to develop with people I would have never gotten to know otherwise. And the career path I am on leads me to someplace amazing. I have heard so many times that communication and language are the essence of what makes us human. To think that I will have a opportunity to help people communicate, to engage with other people, to become more "human" is incredible. You can cure someone of an infectious disease, help them learn to walk again following a traumatic accident, or help them get a job to support themselves, but without communication, a means to relate to and interact with people they care about and love, all those other things mean very little. I am getting to my destination in a different way than I would have thought just a year ago, but I am excited about where I am and I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for me.