A week ago these words completely knocked me off my feet. I felt as though someone had punched me in the stomach. This was what I had been working for ever since I changed my major three years ago. I love BYU and knew that I wanted to stay here for graduate school. How could this be happening? What had I done wrong? Why wasn't I good enough? For a while I just cried. Then I texted Courtney. I hated having to tell people that I didn't get in. I felt disappointed, inadequate, frustrated, but most of all scared. I've always planned on attending graduate school at BYU. I couldn't see myself going anywhere else. I literally didn't know where to turn or what to do.
Over the next few days I was amazed at the love and support I got from my friends, family, and co-workers. That night I came home to a bag full of my favorite treats with a card from Courtney. I received several texts from co-workers making sure I was okay and offering their encouragement. My boss took the time to tell me how grateful she's been to have a part in my development as an early interventionist and how valuable I've been to the program. I had several conversations with different family members who strengthened me with their faith and encouraged me with their love. I began to see things in a different light. I'm definitely far from perfect, but I'm doing the best I can. Heavenly Father has a plan for me. And apparently His plan is different than mine with this, but I know that as I continue to try to have faith in Him, everything will work out and I'll end up at the school that is best for me.
Faith is an interesting thing really. Alma taught that to have faith is to hope for things which are not seen, which are true. The not seen part is what always gets to me. Taking that step forward into the darkness is always scary in the moment. But I have never regretted exercising faith in Christ. I don't know what the next couple of weeks or months will hold for me, but I do know that with Him by my side I cannot fail.
I love you! And I'm so proud of you. Everything will work they way it's supposed to! :)
ReplyDeleteKristin. It's been a while. I really loved how open you were in this post. Vulnerability is always appreciated.
ReplyDeletep.s. I work across the hall from your brother, Aeff.